I REALLY FEEL LIKE SWITCHING TO
PRIVATE.I REALLY ADMIRE MY DEAR ____ FR BEING ABLE TO BLOG WITHOUT HIDING. I FEEL THE VISIBILITY, I FEEL THE REAL HER IN HER POSTS.
RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT & I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW HOW I FELT JUST NOW. LISTEN,
THIS POST IS IRONIC.Shaking your asses and showing your figure meanwhile dancing in a PARADE SQUARE. Now tell me will you ever do it. I bet most people will give me that quizzical look or even the roll-eyes expression. Hah, we're even mistaken to be practising fr ROD._. But whatever it is, we did that yesterday under Doris' supervision. Yknw, i rly hate myself fr not being able to dance well. I'ld often visualise th grad seniors dancing so well, gathering everyone's gazes. I can't believe i almost screwed up th Semifinals today. ): I arrived at 10plus in th morning in schl, teaching th other members of my dance group th new steps ive figured out. It went smoothly! yes. very. I can't even believe we managed to finish it just in tht few hrs. I happily & naively believe we'll do very well on stage. It wasn't that case.. One practice on stage and i went blank. Okay, i've to admit i saw this Girl at th corridor of th hall. This particular girl gives me a weird feeling, i didn't like it. Next, i stood infront. Being in th limelight takes alot, i just didn't have wht it takes i guess. I felt alone & it was as though everyone were looking at me. I didn't like it as much, i panicked. ): I just stood there while th music keeps going, going & going.
My dancemates cldn't believe it. I know, it's hard fr me to believe it too. I rmbr teachers & tutors mentioning not to panic and stress yourself in th examination hall because your mind tends to go BLANK. It didn't happen to me of course, but it did today. That feeling is scary, like you're paralysed yknow. Gosh. We sneaked to some places to practice while th other contestants went up. I was faster thn th others in th dance, some steps different. Like how th hell did it turn out this way? I TAUGHT THEM AND I MYSELF DID WRONG. (It's not a very honourable thing to mention, i just need to.) I felt mad, perhaps at myself or maybe at th pplr who criticize me. It's not tht i can't take criticism but it's too much. So i walked off, i headed to Kaiqian. I just told her what went wrong and so, she consoled me. (
oh my girl, you're so loved!) I didn't know at one point of time i cried. It was Twin. I guess her words touched me. Although she had been th one correcting my mistakes tgt with yeelian and at times eugenie, what she said rly made me just feel better and lesser in guilt.
So i told myself i can do it. I MUST DO IT ANYWAY, next up is us.
Th percussion pplr cheered fr us & i saw Grace looking at me with a smile. (: I was thankful fr tht. & thn Adibah fr shouting i can do it. Also, the juniors fr saying " Seniors Jiayou! "
Really, i appreciated that. Though i've to say we rly had very little time to prepare due to th late notice. It's not meant to be an excuse, it's th fact here. Went up, danced. Made some mistakes, gathered some comments. That's it. It's not good enough, that's not what i wanted at all.
Okay, th flu medicine's side effect is acting up. Im feeling drowsy, i need my Pillow.
Loves to all.
