Monday, June 8, 2009 3:53 AM
Things change in a blink of an eye.You can chase and never reach it, when it happens you might not even know it.But weird it is, you know something is changing even in the dark. No resistance can do.Too many things happened, apart from the biggest concern drawing me which i'd rather i keep mum bout it, i think it's too much for me, really too much.Yes you're the boss of the family but no you don't decide what i am getting.Hell, why am i carrying this burden whole day. Why am i so guilt-stricken. Why am i being so paranoid all day.Why do i cry every Saturday? Why i do cry even whn you're scolding someone else not me? Why do i shove you away when you tried to care? Bcos what that idiot said made sense, that whatever im doing i'm letting you down. I've been hearing so much of that that i lose my ego and my self esteem. I breakdown more and more these days that i feel i'm no longer me. I'm hating saturdays but you don't help me. Whatever interest i had in the past, they died off long ago when you leave me in the lurch. You saw me trying didn't you? Then why.I didn't feel like this loser all the time, i didn't like it when you went arnd telling the world ive been a good girl when in fact i think that's all nth but a facet. You don't spend time with us, and im becoming more and more like you. I feel like a bitch now when i think back and i remember mum pleading me t join her fr dinner when sis was away but i rejected. I feel even worse when you plead me t join you fr dinner that day and i complied. That's when no one's at home. And that's how i felt most of the time.You were the best dad and the worse dad. You know how much i miss those times when you're always beside me to give me comfort and advice? But gone were those days, i think they'll never revive. I feel so tired now, even a slight thought of smth can evoke my tears. I wanted to tell someone so much and that someone can never be you, you never had time for me. I called her that day at bowling centre but she didn't pick. I saw him that day at bowling centre but we didn't speak. I wanted so much to talk but i will always close the opening in the end. In the end, i find it's better to keep it in. To find happiness in misery.PS : I'm sorry ying, i'm sorry fr pulling you in everytime we quarrel. Forgive me. You're the best sister one could ever have.
